the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
