No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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