Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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