apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
3 2 1 whiskey
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
