The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
