Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
