census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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