return my video game
I'm jealous of your bromance
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
