My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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