Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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