Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
