This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
