Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
