Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize