trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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