Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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