Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
