Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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