You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
how drunk are you?
Several
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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