guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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