I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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