i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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