I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
