It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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