I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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