I cockslap morals
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
