broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
