also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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