M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize