it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
