I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize