don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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