What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
