there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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