So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
