Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
