I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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