Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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