do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
