it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
