you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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