the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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