I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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