The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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