i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
