Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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