Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
