I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
