Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize