JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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