Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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