I must be too annoying 4 u.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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