just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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