Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
