I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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