btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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