Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
