dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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